She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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