Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
