A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
