I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
