i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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