This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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