i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
