Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
