I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize