Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
