I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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