hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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