I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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