Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
