Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
