My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
