this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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