my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
