I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
