i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
