You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Fuck appropriateness.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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