wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
