sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
