I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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