grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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