Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
