someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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