Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize