God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
