Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
