This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
