just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
