so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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