whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
