drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
