Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize