Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
