My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
