I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
