i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
COCAINE IS GR8
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize