My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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