Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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