i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
