He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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