Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He shit in the fireplace
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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