We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
