Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
