I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
