My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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