At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
