I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
