Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
