Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
