I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
tell me about the eggs
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
