I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
