Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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