Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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