I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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