; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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