If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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