I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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