y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize