I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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