We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
